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Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I'm alone. dead set, alone, no one here by my side, AND IM NOT TALKING ABT A BOYFRIEND AND SHIT. like seriously. when i look in the mirror, i realise , i have no one to talk to , no one to share my pain with. but i know , that i do have people to talk to and stuff. but honestly when i think about it, why should i tell someone about it, not like they're gonner get it , not like they would know what to say. like honestly, it'll make the person on the other line awkward and speechless. what would they say? "don't worry , it'll be all okay." "its okay, you'll be fine :)" "you'll always have me ! so its all okay." honestly , they don't really matter , not sometimes. & if you were ever in my situation atm, well , you would understand it as well then. but then again.. i'm responsible of being alone .. i guess , when i think about it. it's because , i don't want to share with people. hahas , i'm so greedy >< ! sorry :L, hmm .. but then .. i want someone to know, without me telling them. LOLS , stupid isn't it, "how are you suppose to know if you don't say anything" blah blah , but .. i'm waiting for , for that someone to realise my pain behind my smile. to see everything behind me. to see the excruciation in my eyes & not just say, are you alright? i want them to do something without me saying anything . to fight for me no matter how much it looks like i hate him . to read my mind instead of my lips . just .. for him to understand . sigh , in my dreams :) , xx Friday, December 25, 2009 "everything's okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end." it is true isnt it ? lols , its funny , maybe i'm over exaggerating a bit , because i'm like, not really through my life, and its not the end yet, but , i still find that quote very true. I mean , you always end up fine in the end don't you ? maybe sometimes you won't , but like, fairytales, in the complication , it seems like its the end of the world for them , but yet, in the conclusion , theres always that prince charming that saves the day, :L & in reality, your always effd , and then , theres always somebody there to make you smile and laugh again , and make it feel like nothing's happened . hmm , maybe just MAYBE, everything is not okay, and like in the end , your life is fuckd, and you had no one there for you , & it was allll screwd, would that ever happen? hmmm , shouldn't jump to conclusions again ! :L not good , not good . though , i hate being hippacritical , if thats how you spell it == , but like , i dont really know , i always give advice and shit, yet i cant do them myself when im in the situation , i expect people to listen to me, though , i don't listen to them.. gahhh , whatever , OH BTW , MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE :D:D xx wasted credit , evn when i was gonner only send to optus , but then iw as lik mehh , a few won't matter , :L yeh , then i needed space for messages , my phone has really little memory , and then FREAKING ACCIDENTLY DELETED MY OPTUSWIN GOT SO FUCKING PISSD , done it TWICE ALREADY >.> , GAHHAHH !! :@ welllllll , still , christmas :) is christmas, ill survive , lets just hope NEXT YEAR :D , MADDEST YEAR OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT :D LOLS i just cant wait to go back to school for some reason :L , i want to see the new year 7s , ! and new classes 8) and give dirties to like the new year 7s ,. to make us look cool >< !! :D:D AHHAHAS , shutup , im cool (H) ohh & on .. wednesday i went to supernovaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :L , i thought it was okay, music was that good , only a few songs were good , but like there were pauses , then the lights , you could hardly see laser beams and shit , only when they full flash lik 20 times , that was mad, :L but yeah , there was lik heaps of punch ons , but i wasnt surprised , :L oh welpppppppppppppps :) AND GUESS WHAT ?! :D i spent christmas eve at jamberoooooooooooooo AHAHAHS ! mad ayes ? (H) cos im coooooooool , but i got tanned heaps , but it was suppper doooper fun :L , though , we couldnt be bothered taking pictures , :L oh wellps , the memories are in my head :) HAHAS , shutup , don't say im gonner forget them soon alright ? OH EM GEEE , my sister bought my mum a oroton wallet for christmas ! $200 and something OH EM FUCKING GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee , I FULL WANT IT , ITS SO PRETTY , i swear my sister is WEIRDDD , i dont know what was in her head when she bought it , BUT SHE BOUGHT ME SOMETHING :D , cant wait to find out , but she won't let me open it yet.. >.> full tempting me ! i knew i shouldve bought her something , oh welps , abit late now , :L hmm , well i got christmas partiesss to go too , hopefully i get gooooood pressies :D , im off ,tooooodles :) xx Monday, December 21, 2009 I'm always the one watching a relationship, either fight, form, or break. it's always ME , but it's cos i care for the person involved, but, IT SUCKS, just watching & listening, seeing guys not getting girls, & girls not getting guys, I'm not saying i dont like it, i mean, it's pretty cute, & watching a relationship work and stuff, & how stupid the scenario seems to you, though they wouldnt get it since they're not in my shoes. sighh, i want to be one of the people involved, not being in the middle for once, i know its like, my problem, but what am i suppose to do? not care about someone i care ? LOLS, it's not right , you just can't, EVEN if you try, its preeeeeeeeety hard . :L BUT ITS SO FRUSTRATING >=[ i mean like , now when i think abt it and im in the situation, i might know what to do, :) but i reallllly doubt it :L not when it actually happens , But i'll probably do better than the actual person, hmm , though i can't wait , :/ i really want to see how it feels, but i hate fighting, i would rather break up than bring up an arguement. LOLS , its retarted aye ? but .. i dont know .. i just don't like being in an arguement. cos' i hate losing or saying sorry, blehh , whatever , :) xx Friday, December 18, 2009 you know how ..you know something won't happen, like , it's impossible, but you want it to happen, SO BADLY . the other day this guy .. hes SO CUTE, i was really interested, but then, after at the end of the conversation , i changed my mind.. but, i didnt know why, its pretty weird, the conversation was going so well and it jst.. stops. like, i dont know .. but yeh, i finally understand.. how.. retarted i am, and .. i don't know my type of guys anymore, my heart and mind are in two seperate worlds, & im inbetween.. sigh .. my heart hurts . xx Tuesday, December 15, 2009 i have to take one step at a time :), thats all i need to do, even when it seems like its impossible , that i'll never see anyone by my side, not picturing a life with love, not picturing a love with my life, it doesnt matter cos i know it'll come , i'm sure it will, and even if it does, as long as i know i've tried, that's all that matters to me, and i know maybe, after this i'm gonner start raging again about it being not fair, well , i should be atm , cos these days i've been thinking about it, about how it use to be, the feelings you have when your in love, well when you think you are, & jayne does too ! she like recently just told me :L "you know what i miss? those undead convos you'd have with a guy, and they'll make you smile even at the smallest things," sigh, it is true, i've missed them for a very long time, but what sucks the most , is when I DO get them, but, not in the same way it use to feel, it doesn't mean anything nowadays, and im so much more.. cautious, & picky, even when i feel that way, when i think its love, i don't risk take anymore, just incase .. because im so scared i'll land on regrets again, and jst end up in tears, so, before i take a turn, i look where i'm about to go :), xx everytime i try, Tuesday, December 1, 2009  i wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy FAR OUT ! the other day, freaking ARGHH, i gave him ONE CHANCE & guess what? HE SCREWS IT, WHAT THE FUCK , hasn't he learnt his lesson , far out, why does her have to see me walk away for him to understand ? WHY ??! its fucking bull shit, i swear, i was gave him a chance bcos, we met on new years day, and .. it's like a good catch up thing, but NOOO , far out , is he fuckd in the fuckiiiing head?@?!!?!? omg, why .. == its so complicated. they don't get how much shit your in and stuff, and then at that night , freaking, omg, great , and just when i thought luck was on my way. why does ALL happiness come to an end? FAR . == Now, it’s hard to talk to you right when you pop online, |
HELENBBY♥ " Everything has a reason," cbox the sites. shirley naida sarah jayne kai(music) ♥ June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 June 2010 September 2010 October 2010 April 2011 June 2011 July 2011 June 2016 imeem . 1 song Playing ♥ worlds apart by The Veronicas Designer : Chili. x o x o |