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Friday, April 15, 2011
I just noticed why you're with him instead of me! It's because we know each other too well so you think you can't lose me but you're scared if you let him go, you'll lose him. Well guess what? Okay maybe this is shit talking, but i'm going to try my best to look at you differently so we'll NEVER be the same, I don't want to ever sit next to you. I don't want to know you can just come back to me whenever you want. I want you to realise who's worth fighting for, who's there for you more, and who you need more. If I'm not all of those, I will let you be with him and make NO fuss. If you KNOW I'm those, but you still HAVEN'T even fought for me. Well, I guess he's been a big distraction ? I use to think we had so much in common. But no, we are the complete opposite. You're skinny, i'm fat. You're white, i'm black. You're happy, i'm sad. You'd pick a guy over a girl, I'd pick a girl over ANY guy. You would never pick sides with two loved ones, I'd pick one, I remember picking your side when you were in shit too. You're immature, I'm mature. You're naive, i'm sophisticated. You're a beggar, i'm a giver. You're still dreaming, i'm living in reality. You've changed & I haven't. Are you fucking serious? You're leaving it as it is cos that's what I want.. You say you're sad without me and shit. But, you don't show it at all. But you know even if I do make you sad, doesn't really matter right? Cos you have him. Without me you don't cry, because he's making you to happy to even drop a tear. HE makes you smile even when you're mad. You know, GREAT for you :D. But, JUST SAYING, to let you know or something for you to know how I'm doing and all. I feel like SHIT everyday knowing you're happy without me, I never hear you even mention me. Do you know how that feels? Of course I have my other best friends to hang around with and shit. But do you think it's the same? Seriously? I can't believe you're so happy without me, but that's good for him since I'm out of your relationship and his hair and all. Because even with my closest friends. I still cry when I think about you. But you know what? It doesn't matter. :) Of course I want you to let me do what I want. But I want you to actually fight for me even more. What? Just cos you know you're just going to be wasting your breathe fighting for me so you don't? I know you know that. That's even more of a reason why I want you to fight for me. But him you fight for, even if he still hasn't changed. I haven't felt like this since the last time I was heartbroken. Thanks. Monday, April 11, 2011 I don't want to know your problems if you don't know my problems. You don't know me yet. And I know too much of you. You think I gave up on you because of him? I told you, I'm not making you choose, but him was my last straw. You were the reason why I gave up. I mean, you don't even know when I'm sad or happy anymore. Why the FUCK should I give a flying FUCK about YOU? When I'm absolutely normal you say what's wrong like I'm sad? Like uhhh wthell? Are you stupid? If you know me well enough and I was on msn and I was sad. I would not show it. AT ALL. No one knows, but you know? Since you act like you're my bestest friend and all. I feel like I was more of the know our friendship and you were more of the hang out friendship. I know we hung out and stuff, but did you even bother to get to know me? You don't know who I am, obviously. And I know I'm hard to understand. But don't act asif you know me. Maybe if you bothered to get to know me, you might realise. I can't even write this without pausing and almost crying. But you know what? It doesn't matter anyway. If I drop a tear who's there? Tissue. If I want to scream who's there? My voicebox. If I want to die who's there? My hands. I don't need you, I can be as independent as I want. But when you need me, I know I'm going to be there. I know this isn't going to last that long, but I have this urge to move schools away from you for our senior year because I'm THAT sick of you. That sick of hearing the same problems. "Oh I cry all the time lalallas." WHAT ABOUT ME? That what you say too, right? But the only reason that I don't even think for your perspective or how YOU feel in your shoes, is because, what about me? Have you realised? Everytime shit happens that I don't tell anybody, NOBODY, I tell you a couple of weeks later. When you don't even realise. I say it like it was a joke but it truly hurt. I back you up when you're not there all the fucking time. I'm so sick of it. I want to just back myself up next time. I want to stop being responsible for you. I don't want to see your face because I know the hurt in you, I can't resist to help you up. I've tried, but I can't try no more, and i've cried but I can't cry anymore, it's so impossible. But I really can't resist you. It's like leaving someone stranded after you hit them with a car. It's like your responsibility to make sure they're safe before you leave. I can't do it. It's impossible to go on without you. So that's why, I'm not going to see you for the rest of the holidays. I want to take this time, to get out of your life, for my sake. Why the fuck would you want sympathy for the pain with you and him? What's that gonna do? NOTHING, because in the end, sympathy is just pity, are you proud if someone felt SORRY for you? Why would you ruin your life for him? For a little bit of hope? Once he does something wrong, you're whole "hope" thing is gonna crash. HELLO? He only cheated on you on school days because he was BORED. He had nothing to do, when you're gone, who does he have? No one, he'll find another girl soon, I even heard about another girl just when you broke up with him. Wow how predictable. This is why I want you to be away from him. He's not going to change. It's who he is. You can not change who he is, no one will. He's stuck in an empty hole with no one, and just pulling you into it. The only reason why he loves you more than the rest is because no one would ever forgive him like you do. Why can't you see that? He doesn't keep his promises nor keeps one girl to himself. He needs someone there 24/7, if you're willing to ruin your whole life just to do that then go ahead, I'm not stopping you. But listen. Whatever you're going to do, with him, with yourself, your education, your life. I'm not apart of it. You're going to run back to every resource you have to vent it out and cry it out when he crashes that little hope, faith, forgiveness. But I'm not a fucking second choice, nor will I ever be. I don't fucking understand why YOU don't understand this WHOLE thing. The secrets I hear about him, is all in my head. But the things you don't know should be left unknown. And this time, I don't care if maybe the secrets will break you and him up. I don't care at all. Figure them out yourself, I tried already, but even the secrets I tell you literally do NO effect whatsoever. Laters major. |
HELENBBY♥ " Everything has a reason," cbox the sites. shirley naida sarah jayne kai(music) ♥ June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 June 2010 September 2010 October 2010 April 2011 June 2011 July 2011 June 2016 imeem . 1 song Playing ♥ worlds apart by The Veronicas Designer : Chili. x o x o |