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Saturday, January 30, 2010
how does this work ? .. do you , or not like me ? if you do , can you jst tell me ? so i know ! >< wait .. do i want to know ? omg , all these questions , but , sometimes it seems like i know the answers , but .. then there always comes seconds thoughts , ldksjfkldjf bleeeeeeeeeeeeh , this sucks ! i thought it was fine at first , but then, when i thought about it .. how can i be assuming so much , for something when .. im not even certain about the answers . should i be assuming now ? or should i just keep waiting , but you know the quote ; if you don't do something before she leaves , LOLS, i was talking abt a different quote , but cant remember it so .. YEAHS :D :L:L , ohhh and this one :O !
HAHAS , xx Thursday, January 28, 2010 i'd never thought that would have ever happened . & i still can't believe it did . it cuts me straight through , knowing you were so.. two faced .. i can't believe i fell for it , :L i must be stupid . oh wahtever , i dont care , but .. I STILL .. it feels so bad , knowing that , you were mine , but , that was the past right ? oh welps , things fall apart for other things to fall in place, i guess , i'll just have to wait longer . p.s i don't care , i think .. xx Wednesday, January 27, 2010 i was so stupid , to let go of something i wanted to hold on, but when i'm holding on to it , i feel like i want to let go. >< i dont know what im supposed to feel , i feel so cut deep, yet, i feel partially glad .. >< sigh .. what am i supposed to do, people say move on and all that , but , its not that easy when you got nothing to move onto . & i hate taking peopls advice, i find that they don't understand the situation , or my position in the situation . oh welps .. life is life . xx Sunday, January 24, 2010 what if .. things happen , differently . like .. im trying to run away and then come back .. am i suppose to kepp doing it .. sigh .. im so hippacritical , sighh .. nvm , i can't make up my mind like this all the time.. like , sighh .. if i regret , i regret either way , i can't .. take it anymore .. hiding it and all .. but , then , i forget the people in my past . when they come back, things change . & i have a feeling .. to just .. restrict myself for now . cos later on .. it'll mean more , or i'll regret then .. sighh , i dont know , to trust myself on this one ? or like all the time , do the opposite cos i'm always wrong . >< . shiit . akldlkajlkdj whatever , i wont die either way , maybe inside .. but , arent i use to it , :) healing myself .. from the brokenhearted , like .. it seems like i hav a broken heart everyday or recently . yet , my relationships long gone , but .. some other relationships , mean more than them .. like friendship . the way , how close you can get , just by being friends .. i .. sigh , i'm just going to .. see what happens , i'll end up deciding without realising , wouldnt i ? :L xx Thursday, January 21, 2010 i don't want to let go , yet i don't want to hold on , but then .. what do i do ? its confusing , but , in this situation , theres no inbetween . well there is , and it's just .. wait , and go with the flow . but .. i feel so .. impatient & aware just " going with the flow " so .. how does that work ? i want to .. but i dont .. >< sighh .. i really don't know what to do , my horoscope said something about , "you can't keep using the same first aid and stuff . :L " i dont know .. something like that . but .. sigh .. i realllly don't know what to do , but on mX , it said , jan best for break ups and starts of relationships . and on the horoscope it said at the end , "tomorrow will be a great day to patch up your close relationships " .. sighh .. i realllly don't know what to do now .. == but then ! i like it , that im single and independent :) i have control .. but .. im dependent girl on the inside .. with no one near me , im not myself .. == xx xx Saturday, January 16, 2010 you can't hide, yet you say you want to be on my side. what happened to "i'm sorry" oh well , that's just what you told me. oh right , i forgot, your a liar :) liar liar pants on fire ! "i'm never gonner have another relationship," remember ? during our friendship, "not for a veeeeeery long time, i mean it." remember ? cos i remember eveeeery bit . & i bet you do to, but what does this have to do with you? i'm just gonner say this now, even if your just gonner say how? even though i ignore your existence, there's still no difference, i know your there, & just to make it fair, i will always be here, even though you shed a tear, YOU KNOW IT YOURSELF with me saying anything, is that why you ignore whats happening? if it is , don't take it for advantage, theres always an expiry date on every postage, & what i'm sending you, try to think this through, do you really think all this was just for you? well , it is, but UNDERSTAND, it's for me too . if we end up friends again, yet you fuck up, don't go crying to your pup, just remember this.. & i'm saying this one last time, your predictions will never be as accurate as mine, so i know your gonner regret & forget, & then i'll do all this act about we never met . xx Tuesday, January 12, 2010 he gave you so many chances .. yet . you won't give him one . why couldnt you just wait .. or let him back in .. you didn't have to lock the door and throw away the key. but .. i know i can't tell you what to do .. i know you enough .. i know your ignorant and stubborn .. but .. why ? you say it sunk in already .. but how ? while everything sinked in so slowly , that sunk in fastest . how could you .. you say , it hurt for him with you . than .. tell me why he wants to be with you ? & it hurt me all the time when you were with kai , and it hurt me when you guys were breaking up , and then it hurt for me when you were with jeremy , whenever you guys had a fight it hurt .. but then , the only thing that made me happy was when you guys made up . but .. why are you doing the opposite ? to hurt me even more ? i dont care anymore okay ? do whatever , have fun with your life . im gonner have my own . xx Friday, January 8, 2010 i don't get myself anymore, my descisions are so .. random . i use to set myself for one goal .. it WAS having a boyfriend . but, i dont really mind anymore. i have more to worry about in my life, & i have heaps of time :) - - - - anyways , FUCK , have you ever made so much effort in doing something. & in the end of the day, it's not been used or something, like you try so hard in doing something, and its like .. fail . no one cares . fdklgsdflkgjlkdfj FUCKING HELL . its like , A WASTE of your time , == EVERYDAY you put effort into , was all a waste. every tear you cried, every time you tried, every knot you tied, all the lies you spread, all the "i'll be fine"'s you've said, & in the end , it might've been all a waste, because they found something better, so just smile & pretend . - - - - - why am i always the one people underestimate. i have self control you know ! and i am VERY mature , thankyou very much . why don't they think i can control myself ? i don't follow people , just cos i think it's cool . i dont't even follow people ! i do it if i think its alright or something . not with other peopls opinions and shit . what so now i sound bad now since its not peer pressure . well at least it WASNT peer pressure . == whatever i regret , i forget who cares . xx I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken Wednesday, January 6, 2010 it's so stupid . why do i care so much for someone else. she should depend on herself now. i swear to god, it's fucking annoying. i'm always there for her, so , when she needs someone to lean on , all the weights on me . shes not heavy , but when it becomes a daily routine, it gets tougher and tougher to put up with. it's not like i need someone to lean on, it's just i need her to freaking do some things right herself. she needs to learn how to fix things. not needing me alll the time. & sometimes, when i help her. SHES SOO STUPID AND SLOW , IT TAKES HER FOREVER TO UNDERSTAND . like FOREEEEEEEEEEEEVER . shes so fucking retarted . i try to teach her how to solve things, but she still thinks from her perspective that its the end of the world . fuck sake . get a fucking life , stop taking mine . everytime i have to help you. i care so much, that i forget what i need to do in MY life . now .. im off track, i forgot where i was .. what am i suppose to do .. fklgsdkgjfd;sgfj;k you say you neeeeeeed me . but then when i try , it doesnt matter anyway. because , remember ? how shes ignorant . she listens to her hown reasons , if its better reason than mine , i can't tell her what to do , and im not telling her to do something actually . i am , im telling her to actually DO something . for HER sake , for mine , do something great for once , geez , so tell me , if you REALLY needed me . what do i do , that you can't do yourself? what do i do, that you don't know what to do already? what do i even do , to make you do anything . do you even do anything when i tell you something ? whenever i do something for you, what do i get ? missing out on half my life ? gee , thanks , i really needed that . xx Monday, January 4, 2010 should i be shattered because of my past, or glad that it was the past? should i even be caring as much as the person in the situation? should i be involved in other peoples problems? should i even be trying harder for them than myself? should i be feeling this way? should i even dedicate myself to something thats not mine? should i be me? am i even being me? i don't do them for myself. why do i bother? for someone else , that has no potential for me. no .. advantage or anything. sigh .. this is stupid . |
HELENBBY♥ " Everything has a reason," cbox the sites. shirley naida sarah jayne kai(music) ♥ June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 June 2010 September 2010 October 2010 April 2011 June 2011 July 2011 June 2016 imeem . 1 song Playing ♥ worlds apart by The Veronicas Designer : Chili. x o x o |